Equanimity: One of my Favorite Words

The first time I heard the word equanimity was from a yoga-instructor on a video I was planning to use regularly. The ambition of doing yoga in the living room was short-lived. However, I was smitten and mystified by the sound and feel of equanimity. I didn't know what it meant and it still feels like its energetic message is "don't box me in."  Keeping this in mind, here's some of my exploratory thoughts about it.

Equanimity comes from the Latin word aequanimitās: aequus = equal - even  &  animus = mind - spirit - soul. Thus, conveying an even or calm mind beyond the intellectual mind.

In Sanskrit, there is a conceptual parallel linking equanimity to "upeksha," which has to do with looking from the broadest panorama without attachment. 

In Buddhist and Hindu philosophy, the term "upeksha" refers to serene impartiality, mental balance or even-mindedness, especially amid pain and pleasure, blame and praise.

Shortly after "discovering" Equanimity, I started working with the Enneagram, which I'd read a book about while living in Fort Collins. The Enneagram provides a map - a psychological and spiritual framework - through its description and growth recommendation for nine distinct personality types.

First, let me emphasize that we are not a "type," yet we have default coping strategies in order to feel OK. The more conscious we become of these habitual patterns, the more freedom we have to respond rather than automatically react.

Interestingly, the open-hearted quality (virtue) connected with "my" dominant personality pattern is equanimity. When I realized this, it brought forth a big inner smile of recognition. However, I cringed a bit when learning about the emotional habit pattern - the passion - of this type, which is envy. According to the Enneagram, a big part of my growth-path is cultivating equanimity as an anti-dote to envy. Of course, anyone can benefit from cultivating the attitude of equanimity, but for someone with my habitual pattern, it is both the most challenging and the most rewarding according to the Enneagram.

Equanimity can also be defined as embodying an openness to the whole of ourselves and living in balance with our environment, without over-reacting or withdrawing.

Gradually, I've come to recognize that my ego-approach to dealing with envy was to make sure I had no reason to envy anyone. Up to a point, it worked fairly well and drove me to live life fully. Sometimes it felt like I was following my fear so I could conquer it. I was still prone to making comparisons, and had a tendency to feel inferior. This fueled my ego-need to impress, to gain approval, and striving to be extra-ordinary in order to feel worthy and lovable. Here are a few things I've found helpful.

Three practices to cultivate equanimity

1. Stop comparing yourself to anyone. If that is difficult for you, notice when you slip into comparison, and as much as possible observe this mental habit pattern from a place of neutrality. In other words, don't judge yourself when you engage in comparison but notice and pause. Being aware without judgment, will start the change-process.

2. Don't take anything personally. As Don Ruiz says in The Four Agreements, everyone perceives the world through their own filters based on different beliefs, upbringing and so on. Thus, whether you receive criticism or praise, still keep in mind that it is filtered through the other person's senses and experiences. When you're able to stop internalizing other people's opinions, you will no longer be controlled by their approval or disapproval. This does not mean to ignore other people's feedback or reactions, but to take it on its own terms.

3. Practicing Equanimity by learning to stay open-hearted and open-minded through every circumstance and experience. This is an ongoing spiritual practice. Notice when you're closing your mind and/or heart. Pause, allow, and do not try to medicate with ego-stories about it. The light of awareness will work its magic. Know that little by little you will notice an increased sense of spaciousness within.

The very attitude of equanimity - not valuing one experience over another - allows us to be with the whole experience, and in so doing, experience our wholeness. ~ Sandra Maitri

Equanimity is a spacious inner stillness, a calm that allows us to be fully present with all experiences. It's about keeping our heart and mind open through constantly changing circumstances. And responding, rather than reacting from that place of calm.

When we can be present, and mentally and emotionally allow what is - to be what it is - without utilizing any kind of avoidance strategy, we're practicing equanimity.

Happy practicing!

Tone-Lise